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I have
always been a worrier.
When I was five or six, I walked out of my bedroom
and into the kitchen where my mom was washing dishes. In my little worried voice, I asked my mom,
"Is my heart still beating?"
I don't know how at that age I knew that it was
important for my heart to be beating, but I was very concerned that it had
stopped.
That moment is my earliest memory of worrying, but
it certainly isn't my first. I am very
good at thinking up all the possible ways a circumstance can turn out. Of course, I never think of the simple,
non-earthshattering possibilities.
The Bible
is full of scripture that talk about trusting God and not worrying.
"And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not
forsaken those who seek You." Psalm
9:10
"But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your
salvation." Psalm 13:5
Commit your way to the Lord; trust also in Him, and He will do it." Psalm 37:5
"How blessed is the man who has made the Lord
his trust, and has not turned to the
proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood." Psalm 40:4
"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have
put my trust; I shall not be
afraid. What can mere man do to
me?" Psalm 56:3-4
"Trust
in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge
for us." Psalm 62:8
"Trust
in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will
make your paths straight." Proverbs
3:5-6
"'Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord
God is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation.'" Isaiah 12:2
"'Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust
is the Lord. For he will be like a
tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear
when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious
in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.'" Jeremiah 17:7-8
(All scripture is from the NASB)
In spite of all those verses, I had decided for
myself that I just couldn't not worry. I
was born that way, and there was nothing I could do about it. So on I worried, disregarding what the word
of God had to say on the topic.
A few weeks ago, I went to a conference at church
where Graham Cooke was speaking. I tried
to find this particular sermon online, but I haven't been able to. If I find it, I will add it here.
Graham told us about a vision he once had of
Jesus. He was looking at him sternly and
kept saying to him, "Give Me My stuff back!" Graham questioned Him, not knowing what He was
asking for. He responded, telling him
that He wanted the anger, the fear, the guilt, the shame, the anxiety that He died for. "Give Me My stuff back!"
Jesus died to take these things away from us. Jesus lives, so we know there's nothing to be
anxious about.
Honestly, I tear myself up on a regular basis,
worrying about this, that, or the other.
But Jesus wants the anxiety back.
He died so I wouldn't have to be anxious, but I have taken that back
from Him. I'll let Him handle my sin
(except that I often "forget" that
anxiety is sinful) and my eternity, but I can't seem to trust Him to take care
of my everyday life.
As if
worrying about it makes any difference.
As if
imagining all the ways it will go wrong makes any difference.
All it does is distracts me from what's happening
in the present that I need to deal with.
It keeps me from trusting my Savior to handle things.
I walked away from the conference with a
completely different outlook on anxiety.
It was really an amazing few days.
It seemed as if anxiety was completely gone from my life!
But of
course, it's just not that easy.
A week or so after the conference, something
happened that had me worried again. I
mulled over what might happen, and what I would do if it turned out that
way. Then I came up with another
possibility of what could happen, and then I decided what I would do if it
turned out that way. I was distracted
from what I should have been doing, almost completely focused on all the
possibilities.
And then I remembered. Give
Him His stuff back.
So I told myself this:
It is what
it is.
What will
happen will happen.
I trust God
to take me through it.
And in the end, what happened? Nothing
at all.
I was turning myself into a worried, anxious mess
over something that was nothing.
Really, that's how it usually goes for me when I
get worried over something. But this
time, instead of worrying about it for hours and hours, I shut it down, knowing
that He would be with me, no matter how the situation turned out.
Kirra: I am an anxious person and worrier, too. There is always stress in my house over simplicities. Right now, we have a very personal situation that we're dealing with. Lots of prayer goes into trying to reduce the worry over that situation. To no avail. What is needed is a daily reminder that God will handle all. As you've eloquently stated here, Jesus died for your sins, and mine, and those of others. With God on our side, why waste our time worrying?
ReplyDeleteI love, love, love your implementation of colrs and a fresh new design to your blog. It really adds a fantastic depth to your solemn messages. I love Disqus but I had a lot of problems getting it to work.
Oh, I could worry for Canada in the worry OLympics...lol. Nice post Kirra. :)
ReplyDeleteVeronica, I understand that! And yet, it hardly ever helps anything! I'm really enjoying having a handle on my worrying. I still worry! But it's much easier to stop it before I've spent an hour or more dwelling on the what ifs!
ReplyDeleteAmanda, I really hope this has helped you to deal with your worries. It's so hard not to worry, especially when there are big things to worry about.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you like the new look! I was hesitant to move to disqus, but blogger is just not good for mobile commenting, and I really wanted my blog to look like its grown up a little instead of the usual blogger stuff.
Another great post Kirra! I am thankful that I'm not the worrier I used to be, but I know others who worry about everything. I love the line, "Give me my stuff back." I'll remember that when I encounter a worrier in my life. Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteDonna, I'm so glad you liked the post, but I'm even more glad that you're not much of a worrier anymore. How did you learn to manage it?
ReplyDelete