Thoughtful

I was a hypocrite and a tool until Jesus slapped me upside the head.

I grew up in church. I went to Bible college. I went into ministry. I've preached in small country churches, maximum security prisons, and at church camps. I've been in worship bands, lead children's activities, and been on mission trips. I have helped with Katrina relief and lived as missionary in Japan.

However, during much of that, I carried on secret sin that no one knew about. I had an addiction to sexual sin. I don’t need to go into all the details, but it was killing me from the inside. Playing the part of super Christian and carrying on with my dark habits was eating away at my soul. I preached about a savior that freed us from the bondage of sin, but didn't believe that to be true in my own life. Satan had me muzzled and he had me deceived.

Finally after years of living two lives, the Holy Spirit got after me with conviction like I've never felt before. I became physically sick until I confessed to a good Christian friend. I was sent home from the mission field in order to get some counseling and to seek the Lord. I ended up spending 7 months at a live-in program that deals with sexual sin. There God cut me to the heart. Passages like John 15 and Colossians 2 hit home like never before. For the first time, I really saw Jesus on the cross. I finally started to understand how much I need the grace of Jesus in my life.

Since leaving that program, I have failed. I have stumbled. However, I am more aware of my need for Jesus than ever before. He has been so faithful and so gracious with me. I never thought I would be in ministry again. Now I have the honor of serving God's Kingdom in my hometown on the North Oregon coast. I get to participate in seeing lives changed. I am humbled by God's grace. All glory to God for using broken vessels.

For those of you who want to hear more from Tony, you can find his blog at gotilno.wordpress.com.